Parents concerned that wireless classrooms harming children Parents of students in an Illinois district are suing the school board over the use of wireless network technology in classrooms, alleging that the exposure to radio waves may be damaging the students' bodies. The plaintiffs, including the PTA, the PYT, the students, the students' bodies, the students' body president, the student body president, & the president, are also looking into suing other harmful technologies. The students seem united in their effort. One student, Ray Bork, was quoted as saying, "oh yeah. I feel funny." Everyone began laughing. One of the students' bodies was then questioned, and after extensive translation and decoding, the following message was played in court: "Where is my sphincter?" Laughter again proved to be the best medicine as little Dougie was shuttled off to Dr. Perales' office. Student body president, Langdon Anderson, had a different take on situation. "I'm not convinced it's the wireless technology, I'm more concerned about the wires. We had our IT specialist in here last week, Ben'd' Johnson, and every time he went under a desk, he kept getting choked by this thick brown cable." The plaintiffs are not only looking into the radio waves, but also the sound waves that come out of radios. Apparently, some of these waves are damaging the bodies too - especially, where students' tail feathers are concerned from excessive 'shaking of'. They are pleased, however, with the PTA's decision to put an end to the children's hunger pains by eliminating phys-ed and recess thereby keeping the kids closer to their computer screens and much needed snacks. Finally, there has also been some buzz about the unusual waves that have been breaking out at local scholastic track meets & three-pitch tournaments. The school district has determined that it is following all safety regulations, and that other than Dougie, there is no hard evidence that suggests these technologies are dangerous. As a back up plan, the Illinois school board will institute a more holistic internet network in the case of a ruling for the plaintiffs. Naturally, Ben Johnson has been given the thumbs up.